


Half Light

by AzhaLambrin



Series: If You Can Save Me (Star Wars: Reylo Series) [3]
Category: Star Wars, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Creepy Snoke (Star Wars), Dark Rey, Eventual Relationships, Eventual Smut, F/M, Jakku, Multiple Pairings, Nightmares, Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Reylo - Freeform, Romance, Saving Each Other, Smuggler Kylo Ren, Spoilers, Star Wars - Freeform, Unresolved Conflict, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Unresolved Sexual Tension, dark side, porgs are life, where they adopt a porg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-19
Updated: 2017-12-27
Packaged: 2019-02-17 01:23:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13066203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AzhaLambrin/pseuds/AzhaLambrin
Summary: As Rey and Kylo's connection deepens through the Force, they each get a taste of each other's sides.And it's hard to tell who really needs to be saved.Light.Dark.There must always be a balance.





	1. i know your fears and you know mine

**Author's Note:**

> (chapter titles will feature songs/lyrics from AZHA'S REYLO FTW playlist on Spotify)
> 
> "It makes me nervous. You have that look in your eye.  
> Oh what takes over? What is it that holds you tight?  
> When you're in the half light, it is not you I see.  
> And you'll live a half life. You only show half to me.  
> Sometimes I join you.  
> Let you wash over me.  
> When we're in the  
> d a r k n e s s  
> only the blind can see."
> 
> -Half Light, Banners

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They may be enemies, fighting for their sides of the Force.  
> But their true connection cannot be denied.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I know your fears and you know mine.  
> We've had our doubts but now we're fine."
> 
> -Goodbye My Lover, James Blunt

“I’ll be training today,” Rey tells him as she finishes her breakfast.

“Should I care?” He asks haughtily, sipping his usual morning drink.

They were both alone in their respective quarters; Kylo aboard the Finalizer and Rey on the Falcon. But it was strangely the opposite of being alone.

“I don’t know,” she admitted rather sheepishly. “Given as to how we fought together last time, I thought you’d like to do it with me.”

“Do what with me?” Kylo raises a brow, a hint of mischief playing on his lips.

Rey rolls her eyes. “Never mind,” she says. “Maybe I’ll work with Finn—”

“You mentioned days ago that the traitorous clone was busy with a sanitation officer…Rose, was it?”

“She’s a _maintenance worker_ ,” she corrected, rather annoyed.

He only shrugs in response. “Same difference,” he says.

“Maybe Poe won’t be so busy then,” Rey finally decided, grabbing her staff.

That irked Kylo a bit, displeased with the Resistance pilot more so than the ex-stormtrooper. “Alright,” he grumbles. “If you are going to fight me again one day, you might as well have a good chance this time.”

She made a face at him which almost made him laugh. “Need I remind you that you were the one left with a huge scar on your face?”

“Need I remind _you_ that I—” and he drops his voice to a whisper, sensing a lurking presence outside the corridor, “—killed the Supreme Leader to save you?”

Rey suddenly stops and only stares at him. Her gaze lasted so long that it made Kylo squirm in his seat.

“What?” He finally demanded after minutes on end tortured his wits.

“Nothing,” she said, a ghost of smile briefly shadowing her pale pink lips.

Kylo didn’t like the way she knew something he didn’t, so he resorted to breaching her thoughts instead. She was prepared, of course, knowing him a little better each time they kept the connection up.

 _It’s just...it’s the first time you admitted that you did_ save me _._

Something struck a chord and their connection was abruptly damage. A resonating voice kept pushing at the back of Kylo’s mind until it transformed into an all-out scream from the darkness.

_Save me._

**_Save_ ** **me.**

_BEN!_

 

 

Nothing felt more real than being stranded back on Jakku.

Rey woke up to the heat and sweat of that godforsaken planet. Sand was whipping against her makeshift home as the winds clawed its way across the desert. At first, she thought that it must be a nightmare. Moments afterward, her fear descended upon her; fear that perhaps it wasn’t being back on Jakku that was a lapse in her reality but having ever left. Her chest heaved as she began to panic.

It couldn’t be real, could it? She couldn’t be trapped here.

 _Ben?_ She called out on instinct, reaching out with the Force. But her heart was hammering so hard against her chest and could feel barely anything else, let alone a connection to someone a thousand light years away.

Still, she kept on calling out to him.

_Ben! Can you hear me? Are you there?_

When that hadn’t been enough, she screamed with her voice, not just with her mind. Every effort had to be exerted to wake up from this dream.

 _This is a nightmare_ , she thought, whirling around her old home. She banged against the metal walls, thrashed the whole apartment, smashed her displays…

“BEN! PLEASE! IS ANYONE OUT THERE?”

She screamed till her throat ached and she fell on her knees, sobbing so hard that she couldn’t breathe.

“This can’t be true…”

And like the faintest whisper, so close to her ear, he appeared.

 _I’m here_ , he said. He was. He was here.

“Pull me out,” she begged, not looking up. She was afraid that despite how real he sounded, he might not truly be there with her. “Get me out of here. Please, Ben…”

 

 

 

There she was again, pleading with him.

It took Kylo moments to join back the link and when he finally did, she was on the floor like a little girl, crying as if she was reliving the day her parents had abandoned her. Instead of calling out to them however, she was calling out to him.

 _Scandalously_ , he noted.

“Please, Ben…” she said, her eyes still closed.

He couldn’t understand it, this annoying urge inside of him to do as she says. How is that when he begged she could refuse—but when she does it, he couldn’t deny her? Not in the slightest…

It was harder to pull her out from her vision, especially when they were how many light years apart, but he made an effort to forge a solid connection just like that night in her hut before Skywalker walked in on them touching hands. At first, he laid a hand on her shoulder, testing the physicality of their bond, and what happened next became a mission to bring her absolute comfort.

He knelt in front of her and gently placed both of his hands on either side of her face. Kylo looked at her, observing the way her lips trembled, those eyes squeezed shut from the terror, how her skin was breaking into sweat as fear engulfed her completely. Slowly, he leaned in to her, his mouth almost touching her ear.

“Focus.”

She was still breathing harshly, her body shaking. He held her tighter, pulling her closer to him that his cheeks were on hers.

“Focus, Rey.”

Her hands snaked their way up to his shoulders, holding on. It surprised Kylo so much that he almost let go. But then Rey started to calm down, her breathing beginning to normalize. Considering their proximity however, Kylo noted how Rey’s heart was still hammering against her chest.

“Open your eyes,” he says quietly.

But she replies, “they are.” She was still holding on.

He breathes out heavily, relishing her warmth, before he pulled away. “Qui-Gon Jinn said that ‘your focus determines your reality.’ Should you find yourself in that position again, remember that. I won’t always be on your side, scavenger.”

 _Then why are you now?_ She asked in her thoughts. If she meant for him to hear it, he couldn’t tell. Either way, he ignored it.

“Best you train with that pilot,” he said, standing up. “You don’t need any more tiresome exercise from me today.”

Before Rey could protest, or catch her breath, Kylo vanished.

 

 

 

Without the cruiser Raddus, escape pods and X-wings, as well as the Millennium Falcon, need to land on a planet every so often to forage for supplies, food and water, and fuel to keep them going.

 Rey could see that General Organa isn’t as strong as she used to be, not after being so close to death. What’s more unsettling is that Leia has the vaguest idea of what to do. The Resistance have never been in such a precarious position and it has been through many. No one was coming to their aid. Luke was gone.

 _But so is Snoke_ , she thought. _There’s only Ben now._

It may have been foolish of her to underestimate Hux, given his track record. But he wasn’t as powerful as Ben. She still needs him to turn. If she can’t figure out how any time soon, the Resistance will cease to exist.

“Are you alright?” Poe appears in front of her with a strange look on his face.

“What?”

He did that huff-like-a-laugh kind of smile that Rey only saw he does with Finn…and BB-8. “I was calling your name a few times but, it seems like you were lost in your head there for a while.”

“Oh.” Now she felt stupid. How long had she been standing there, staring off into nothing?

“Don’t worry,” Poe says, reassuringly. “No one else noticed it.”

“What was it you were going to say?”

To this, he beams. “I was going to say that Finn, Rose and a couple of fighters are training tonight after dinner—that is, if we find dinner.” Then he looked down at his feet for a second before looking back into her eyes. “Also, I was asking you if you’re alright.”

All Rey said was, “Yes.”

“Yes to training or…?”

“Yes, I’m alright,” she decided and, a bit awkwardly, asked, “With training though, I was going to ask you to train with me—if you’re not too busy.”

“No, no, not busy,” Poe replied. “I’m training. I’m going with Finn, and the others. But yeah, we could—uh, we could train together.”

“Good,” Rey said, smiling. “Thank you.”

“Any time,” and he really looked like he meant it.

_Am I interrupting something?_

“Uh…”

“What?” Poe asked.

“Nothing,” she said quickly. “I think I’m going to lie down for a minute.”

“Oh, okay.” He nodded and began to back up a couple of steps. “I’ll see you in a couple of hours.”

“Okay.”

Rey subtly rushed back inside the vacant Falcon and locked herself in one of the compartments.

“What you just did was risky, Ben!” She whispered.

 _What was the risk? Only you could hear me._ He pointed out.

“I was distracted enough as it is. I can’t keep looking like—”

 _Like what?_ He demanded, suddenly piquing his interest.

 _Nothing_ , she decided. _I look like nothing._

He could still hear her, even inside her own head.

 _You didn’t look like nothing to him_ , he noted.

_Who are you talking about?_

_That Resistance Pilot—_

_Captain!_

_Doesn't matter_ , he grumbled. _He was looking very strangely towards you, like you were a lost animal in need of attention._

_Hold on._

_What?_

Rey looked around and closed her eyes.

 _What?_ He demanded, impatient for answers.

 _Can you see me?_ She asked. _I can’t see you._

 _Yes, I can see you. I can see everything around you._ And he sounded displeased. _I can’t believe this piece of junk is still working after all this time._

Rey almost laughed.

_What? Do you think my disapproval is amusing?_

_I just remembered how you had several TIE fighters chase after it the last time. You really hated this thing._

Rey hears him scoff, a typical Ben Solo response.

 _Where are you?_ She asked.

 _Basement,_ he replied as if it was the most natural place for him to be in.

Rey pulled herself to where he is and moments later appeared to be inside a small control room with vast walls of wires and buttons.

“What are you doing?”

Ben turned his head briefly in her general direction and shrugged. “I’ve been having trouble with my quarters.”

“What trouble exactly?”

“The shade on my view panel won’t open. The doors sometimes remain open. And my ‘fresher had run out of hot water.”

“Why would you bathe in hot water?” Rey found it odd, having grown up in Jakku where heat was everything you lived in.

Ben ignored her.

She began to walk towards him then, peeking at what he was doing, making disapproving noises when he touched the wrong converter.

“Please,” he muttered, annoyed. “If you have any idea what I need to do just say it. If not, then go away.”

“You’re the one who showed up in my consciousness,” she remarked, also annoyed.

“I was bored,” was his only response.

“Oh, just let me do it,” she grumbled, pushing his hand away from the controls. Rey’s projection wasn’t strong enough to emit a physical connection, so Ben mimicked her actions instead. Moments later, she said, “that should do it.”

But then came a small noise coming from behind a small panel installed on the wall. Rey bent down. Ben followed her movement and peeled the panel open.

The sound was louder as the creature emerged, making Ben stumble back and land on his behind.

“What the hell is that?”

“Aw!” Rey cooed. “It’s a porg!”

“A what?”

“A porg,” she said again. “Chewie has some of them in the Falcon, too. But…” Rey looked at him, brows knitted together in such confusion. “How would one end up here? You can only get them in Ahch-To.”

Ben avoided her gaze. “I should just dispose of it right now.”

And the strangest thing happened, it made a face. Its eyes became larger than its actual size with its mouth turned down, quivering. It was pleading with him.

“How can you dispose of it now?” Rey asked smugly.

It only annoyed Ben so much more. “You do realize that I killed my own father.” With that, she looked away. “A garbage chute should do it,” he decided, picking it up.

“Ben!” She whined, childish and disbelieving.

“Then you take it,” he said, pushing the porg towards her.

“Yes, because I could exert that much effort to fix your quarters’ control system why not take a souvenir while I’m at it?”

 _Sarcasm_ , he thought. _It becomes you._

“Was that a compliment?”

He smirked. “Do you like it to be?”

“Stop that.”

_Stop what?_

“That,” and how hard she tried not to whine this time.

_What? Say it._

“Never mind,” she resigned and stood up. “I should go.”

“And the creature? What do I do with it?”

“Keep it,” she replied, nonchalant. “For the time being, at least.”

Rey didn’t notice how Ben had been holding the porg so gently since he picked it up—not until he began to stroke its head, making it close its eyes in contentment.  She hid her smile as to not make him stop, but the overwhelming feeling inside of her was inevitably visible in plain sight.

_Stop smiling._

“I’m not,” she said, defensive. She bit down at her lip and casted her eyes elsewhere.

_I can still hear you, Rey._

“Then don’t listen.”

_How can I? Your squealing with glee like a foolish child._

“No, I do not!” Her insistence only proved the contrary.

_You either control it or I will control it for you._

She gave up and resorted to admission then. “You just seem more human, to me at least, with your guard down like that.”

 _It’s not_ , he said, not straying his eyes from the porg.

Rey only nodded in return. “I better go before anyone comes looking for me.”

Ben became fainter and soon she was back in the Falcon. Only his voice remained with her.

_Will you be training tonight?_

“I promised Poe I would.”

There was a pause, as if Ben was trying to think of something he should say next. When he replied, there was a hint of promise in it and it made Rey hopeful as she looks forward to it.

_I’ll see you then._

 

 


	2. something to hold on to

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey is training with Poe. But can she focus when a shirtless Ben is around?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I'm jealous of the rain  
> That falls upon your skin  
> It's closer than my hands have been  
> I'm jealous of the rain  
> I'm jealous of the wind  
> That ripples through your clothes  
> It's closer than your shadow..."
> 
> -Jealous, Labrinth

Smuggling was one of the few talents Kylo Ren inherited from his late father, if there were any.

With the use of the Force, it was much easier to carry the porg around the ship without being question—should anyone dare—or at least without anyone looking at him with such confusion as to why or how he even got it (or what it even is).

He sighed in great relief when the doors to his quarters opened as he entered, and closed with a satisfying click as soon as he was inside. Rey’s handiwork was evident to this and he almost smiled to himself… _almost_.

Kylo set the porg down, letting it roam free as he began to undress for the night. There were no battles to fight today, no wars to win. Since their last encounter in the Hosco system, he had been setting aside his mission to get rid of the Resistance. It was a way of keeping her around longer; knowing that should the time come for them to face each other again, a decision must be made. He didn’t need to understand any reason for his actions. He didn’t want to. But Hux had showed signs of discontent, even doubt, about where Kylo Ren’s true loyalty lies. The General always voiced his concern to Snoke that perhaps Kylo is too much like a child, easily swayed and influenced by his emotions. If Snoke had listened, maybe the Sith would still be alive today.

 _He would be a problem_ , Kylo thought. Hux may be a tool but he was still sharper than most. To underestimate his thirst for blood and power would be idiotic. He needed to be careful.

Troubles like these were made for tomorrows. Kylo decided to sleep only to be disturbed by muffled grunts inside his head. There was also the unmistakable sound a laser blast, echoing as it hit a target. He suddenly remembered the training, _her_ training. Closing his eyes, he focused on her, determined to morph his reality with hers.

He found himself under the night sky, surrounded by tall pine trees that can be blue or green in the daylight. There was a campfire, poised at the middle, with embers floating up to the stars. It created dark shadows on those that surround it. The burning pit lured his attention for a while.

Then he sees her.

 

 

 

Rey had been sparring with Poe for almost half an hour now.

After BB-8 had found her in the Falcon, she rejoined the others for dinner and immediately took off with the rest of the fighters to train. With Luke’s lightsaber destroyed, Rey figured that she should learn how to fight without weapons. She still had her staff and it was beyond useful, but she didn’t want to be caught off guard if ever she becomes trapped in a position where she has nothing but herself.

Admittedly, Poe wasn’t really the best combat fighter on the team. But he was better than most. If Rey took to account the numbers left on the Resistance, Poe was all she’s got.

“As much as possible, you have to let them come to you,” he says as they moved around each other. “If they attack first, you have a better chance at defeating them.”

_Not if they use blasters._

Rey whirls around, momentarily distracted by Ben’s voice.

“Focus, Rey!” Poe commands. “Everything you do out there depend on what you learn from your training.”

She nodded at Poe and kept her eyes on him. But inside her head, she was looking around for him.

_Are you here?_

“Of course, I am,” Ben replies, closer than she anticipated.

Rey takes a deep breath and dodges a swing from Poe just in time. She lands a punch on his gut in return and kept her distance.

“You do realize I’m taller than him.”

Ben appears from behind her, moving beside Poe to compare the difference. He raises a brow at her, taking away her attention from the captain.

“And I’m definitely bigger,” he adds.

Rey was getting too distracted. Having to focus on two opponents was hard enough. When one of them is walking around naked, the ordeal is impossible.

“Can you please, _please_ put a shirt on?” She begged aloud, a mistake.

Poe looks at her then at himself before making that confused face. “I _am_ wearing a shirt,” he says, staring down at himself again. “Are you alright?”

“I know how I’ll win then,” Ben noted, moving aside now.

“I’m sorry,” Rey replies to Poe. “Can we…can we just do this?”

He was sitting on one of the discarded logs, one leg on top of his other thigh. “What if I fight with you shirtless? Will you still lose focus then?” He asks, and if Rey knew any better, he was actually teasing her. But he sounded genuinely curious.

Poe was oblivious, of course. Everyone else was. No one had any idea that Rey had an audience, watching their every move, taking note where they were.

“Is this Endor?” He demanded. “You do know that we’re only one jump away.”

 _I thought you wanted me to train?_ She snapped internally as she tackled Poe to the ground. _I can’t keep up the illusion that I’m not distracted when you keep buzzing in my ear!_

“I’m right here, Rey,” Ben reminded her. “You can ignore me so easily. You did shut me out once already. Why not do it again?”

 _What is the matter with you tonight? You can’t sleep, can you? Is that it? Or are you just bored again?_ Even in her thoughts, she sounded distracted, so her words carried no valuable weight.

Ben watched as Poe gains the upper hand and gets on top of Rey instead. She was trapped and if she doesn’t do anything soon, the fight will be over. She would lose. Ben rises from his seat and crouches by her head.

“Use everything you have,” he tells her. “You still have your legs, your feet, your _head_. You still have the advantage.”

Rey listened because these days she could hardly go by without him mouthing something in her ear, or her mind. She kneed Poe’s back and used her upper body strength to gain on him before putting him into a headlock.

“Of course, that would only work if you match your opponent’s weight,” Ben continued. “In our case, you have to think of another way if I happen to be on top.”

Poe raises his hands in mock surrender and lets out a relieved laugh. “Remind me never to be on your bad side,” he says as she lets him go. “That was a good one.”

“Thanks,” she murmurs, not really wanting to take credit, meanwhile giving Ben the side eye for his last comment.

 _I can still beat you if it comes down to it,_ she thought. _I can manage, Ben._

And yet the rest of her training went the same way. She’d begin to fight on her own but as soon as she gets herself in a situation she can’t get out of, Ben would make a comment on how to escape it.

 _What’s going to happen if it’s me against you then?_ She demanded internally as she takes a seat beside where he should be, the rest of the training still going on around them. Nobody paid much attention to her and how she was looking at a phantom.

_Will you still be telling me how I can save myself or will you kill me instead?_

He looked ahead, watching the others. “That would depend.”

_On what?_

_Which side you’ll be on,_ he thought but didn’t say.

Rey pretended not to hear.

“Tomorrow,” he said instead, his eyes refusing to meet hers. “I’m still having trouble keeping you out of my head.”

  _So, it’s troubling you now,_ Rey thought but didn’t say. She knew he could hear her, if he was minding her. But then she looked up just in time to see him watching her.

He stands abruptly, the light of the fire making his bare chest golden while creating overly dark shadows around his face. “We’re changing nothing—spending time together like this.”

She disagreed. “I think it changes everything, don’t you think?”

Ben looks down at her with the most intense gaze. She reached out to touch his hand, a gesture they haven’t done since that night in the hut back in Ahch-To—a gesture she refused that day they fought together, when she believed he had turned only to realize he was still firmly planted in the Dark Side. Rey understood then why those eyes weren’t straying from her face. He felt cheated, especially now with her hand holding on to him. So, she let go.

 _You may still sense conflict within me, just as the Supreme Leader did,_ he said. _But I wish you wouldn’t be so stupid as to have hope._

His words stung, noting how he said it, or thought it. But Rey only shook her head, defiant as always. She wouldn’t let him get to her that way.

 _It’s an occupational hazard_ , she replied. _Hope cures all wounds after all._

 _Not all of them,_ he thought idly. _Remember that not everything can be saved._

And then she said the exact same thing he did earlier. “That would depend.”

_On what?_

_Who’s doing the saving,_ she replied. Rey got up just as Poe approached her, looking beside her as if he could sense something or someone was there.

“You alright?” He asks.

“Never better,” she assures him.

“Well, we’re going back to the pods for the night. We’ll leave early tomorrow.”

“I’ll walk with you.”

Poe smiles and leads the way.

Rey looks back at Ben. But he was already gone.

 

 

 

 _Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose,_ it said.

Kylo Ren believed with all his heart—or what’s left of it—that he had nothing to lose. It was usually what makes people dangerous. They can do things, unspeakable ones, because the risks were nothing compared to what they could gain.

But those words he learned from when he was young, back when Skywalker was Uncle Luke and he was training to be a Jedi, kept coming back to him, spoken in what can only be described as another creature’s voice, old and little but very wise.

It was instilled in the back of his head, echoing in his dreams when he sleeps. It began when he and Rey first touched hands. After he killed Snoke, and when Rey abandoned him, it stopped. He did lose everything—for a time. But reconnecting that bond with the girl started it up again.

How can he let go now when he doesn’t even know if he has something to lose? It had been a mistake, he realized now, to have let her escape in his shuttle when they were in the Hosco system. He should’ve just ended her there and then. Things would be so much easier now if he had.

 _But you didn’t,_ the voice taunted him. _A reason, there must be one._

And there was. Perhaps there were plenty of reasons why he didn’t do it. But one that stood out the most as he thought about it was the connection Rey provided. He needed someone just as badly as she did.

They were the only two people left in the galaxy who could truly understand how they feel, what they were going through.

What does he have to do to—

 _What exactly?_ He asked himself now. What did he want from Rey other than dwell with him in his misery?

Kylo couldn’t think of it now. He must end it, end this…end _her_.

The porg jumps on his chest, distracting him, and for the briefest of moments he lets it. The creature makes a noise while flapping its wings, urging Kylo to play with it. He sets it aside as he gets up from bed to put on a shirt and after contemplating whether or not it will be worth his time finally succumbed to the creature’s irresistible charm.

 

 

 

“SCAVENGER!”

Rey bolts out of bed as the voice yells. She looks around the room frantically, grabbing her staff on instinct, watching every shadow lurking in the corner. But no one was there, not even Chewbacca.

“Come here!”

 _Come_ _where_? She wanted to ask the ominous voice but as time passed on, she finally realized what was going on. It was Ben.

_Where is he?_

Taking a seat on her cot, she breathes in and tries to connect with him to see what was going on. In an instant, she was inside what she could only assume as Ben’s quarters. To her, it made no difference to the halls, interrogation rooms, or the aircraft hangars of the First Order’s vast carrier. It had no personality, just space for sheer necessity. It really could be anyone’s. But then she spots it, that little piece of evidence to attest that Ben Solo exists.

On the glass panel beside the elevated bed is Han’s gold dice. They were a pair linked by a chain that used to hang on the Millennium Falcon. She never noticed its absence, having only noted it being there once—when the man who made the kessel run in less than twelve seconds was still alive.

He said that it was the key to making all his luck, the special charm that won him the Falcon from the smuggler whose name she couldn’t remember. Han didn’t say anything else but she remembered how he looked at it, hanging on a little hook in the cockpit. It was as if it can grant your heart’s deepest desire, or at least give you something good.

Seeing it now, with Ben, felt like Han’s last wish granted. There was hope rising inside Rey and she felt luck coming onto her side. Ben could turn. This was proof…

Also, it finally gave Rey an idea on where the porg came from.

“SCAVENGER—” Ben yells from another corner of the room.

Rey froze in place and turned around slowly. But she found the space empty. A series of noise erupted and she made up her mind to follow it as quietly as she could, just in case Ben is in a bad mood—or had decided to kill her at last.

When she peeked on the small closet-like space void of any doors, she realized that perhaps Ben wasn’t talking to her at all. He was crouched in line with the waddling porg who was creating a little disaster on what looks like his wardrobe.

“Scavenger, come here!” He demanded angrily, impatient for the animal’s compliance. Surprisingly though, he made no move towards it.

“You named the porg ‘scavenger’?” Rey said as she leaned on the wall.

Ben looked up at her, unruffled by her sudden appearance. “What do you suggest I call it then?”

“You’re asking my opinion?” Rey asked in disbelief.  

“Yes, I just did,” and she could feel how he tried very hard not to roll his eyes at her. “Well?”

In response, Rey merely shrugged. She had no better ideas.

“Scavenger it is, then,” he decided and turned his attention back to the busy porg tearing up another one of Ben’s cloaks.

When it was made apparent that he wouldn’t be paying any mind to her anymore, Rey moved to the spot next to him, copying his crouch across the creature. Together they watched it fiddle the fabric with its teeth. They let it fly of a few feet up in the air to a shelf where it snatched another garment, this time making Ben snap up to grab it before it hit the floor. Color rose to his cheeks as he pushed back into another drawer. His eyes dart on Rey before looking sternly at Scavenger who whimpered in response.

“Stop giving me those eyes. It wouldn’t work,” he warned but the porg only made them bigger. Exasperated, Ben shook his head.

“He’s a handful, isn’t he?” Rey teased.

“I don’t see why you shouldn’t take it,” he replied, annoyed. “You say your ship is filled with them. It isn’t like the Wookie could tell the difference.”

“No, you’re right,” she said. “But he counts them and he’s not taking anymore. If he gets suspicious, where will we be then?”

 _So there’s a ‘we’ this time?_ She heard him think but he was already busy with cleaning up his pile of discarded (and torn) clothes.

“Can we talk?”

“Aren’t we already talking?”

“No. I mean, yes, we are…talking, that is. But it’s about your little side trip to Ahch-To—”

“Don’t.” There was a warning, a _threat_ , in his reply. His back was on her and despite their deeper connection with each other, Rey preferred to read his face rather than his mind. His eyes never could betray him. And when his mouth is set into a firm line, there were various reasons behind it that Rey could piece together every time.

“You don’t know me,” Ben says now, feeling her lurk in the back of his mind. “I told you. This link between us doesn’t change anything.”

“I know,” she assures him. “You are still my enemy. And I am yours.”

He stands immobile, his shoulders set and his stance strong.

“You did things that I can’t even begin to imagine. You chose your path because someone made you feel as if you had no choice.” Rey took a step forward, her hand already outstretched. “But you do, Ben. You can still choose.”

Ben whirled around quickly, slapping her hand away. “When the day comes that the Force frees us from each other is the day one of us dies. But until that day—” he lifted his hand and an object flew straight at it.

Rey thought it was a weapon at first but Ben clenched it in his hands, hiding it from view. It was small and soon enough, she knew what it was that he was holding. Something broke as Ben tightened his fist. When he opened it, the gold dice was now separated and he held the other piece to her.

“He was a part of you the way he never was to me,” he said.

The dice levitated into the air and landed on her waiting hand. “He loved you, though. No matter how hard you bury that truth…”

Ben only stared at her. “Well, you really couldn’t know. He didn’t live long enough to disappoint you.”

“And how long before you do?” She demanded with her hands clenched tight on either side, a look of anguish on her face.

He relaxed then and his lips slightly lifted up at the corners. “I didn’t think I still had time to change your mind in the first place.”

“That’s hope for you,” she replied.

The porg flies down in front of her and she leans down to pat its head.

“I’ll see you around, Scavenger,” she said before cutting the connection, unable to hear Ben’s last thought before she disappeared.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title has something to do with the item featured in this chapter. Any ideas?


	3. A Drop in The Ocean

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey dreams about Ben.  
> Kylo dreams about Rey.  
> And both their dreams involve them being killed.  
> What will this mean for them?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I was praying that you and me might end up together,  
> It's like wishing for rain as I stand in the desert."  
> -A Drop in the Ocean, Ron Pope

The undying heat made Rey squirm.

Once again, she found herself stranded in Jakku. This time, however, she knew she was dreaming. She just can’t wake up yet. Most of her things have been abandoned that day she met Finn. They’re all covered in sand and rust. Her speeder, which used to be a rusty orange kind of red, simply became rusty. Laying her finger on its scanner panel, the vehicle powers up, recognizing her.

“My baby still knows me then,” she says, smiling before riding it.

Feeling its pulsing energy, she hit it and let it speed off into the desert, heading for town. She hadn’t felt this free since she helped BB-8 get back to the Resistance. She also hadn’t felt this alone, the good kind and she didn’t even think there was another kind to that feeling. In this safe haven between a nightmare and a memory, she was free from responsibility, duty, even herself. She was adrift from what she knows and in this place, it seems, anything can happen because it was just a dream.

There was peace—

—and then, there was loneliness.

There was freedom—

—and then, abandonment.

There were always two sides of every page; one that has something written down, one that is blank; one that has form, one that hasn’t; one that begins a story—and one that ends it.

 _Which one am I?_ She asks herself.

Her speeder shrieks and she was instantaneously rocketed off of it, tumbling roughly on the sands as her ride crashes and burns. It was the last piece of herself that she associated with home, or at the very least, her old life.

_You’re still holding on! Let go!_

Those were Ben’s words, and they haunt her now.

_Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose._

“I no longer have anything to lose,” Rey replies, more to herself than anything else. But then someone answered.

“Now that’s not true,” and he appears.

In the middle of the vast desert, Ben stands in his usual black apparel, his hair waving against the hot air.

“You have your friends, your leaders…your precious Resistance,” he said it with such malice than Rey began to doubt he was really here. “You’re still rooted to the things that will be your downfall.”

“That’s not true,” she said with as much conviction as she can muster. “I have something to fight for. I have people who I care about.”

“You think I don’t?” He demanded quietly. “I do…”

“Then what are you doing, Ben?”

“...but I’ll get rid of them when I have to.” He reaches into his belt and produces his lightsaber. “You were born on Jakku and you will die in Jakku.”

She was unable to fight it, the pull of the Force that dragged her immobile feet on the sands of the desert. And as soon as she was in range, he strikes her down.

“Ben!”

Rey wakes up, a scream lodged in her throat that it almost chokes her. She breathes heavily in relief when she realizes she had broken free from her nightmare. But that relief was short-lived because staring down at her with wide eyes was Poe Dameron.

She pulled herself up, opening her mouth but Poe beat her to it.

“Yeah,” he said. “You have a lot of explaining to do.”

 

 

Kylo Ren woke up to what can only be described as a bluish white plane.

There was no one for miles and it was freezing. He was dreaming. He had to be. Here he was still in his black uniform which he’d already taken off before going to bed. Realistically speaking, if he had transported himself over the Outer Rim—where he suspected he was, in Hoth to be exact—he should still be in his loose black shirt made of such thin material that the temperature should make him drop dead the instant he got here. Yes, he had to be dreaming.

But it didn’t feel like a dream.

In the distance was a shadow of a figure becoming bigger and bigger as it neared. Kylo didn’t move. He sensed that there was no immediate threat despite the anonymity of the creature and soon he confirmed the reason why.

It was Rey, wearing his black cloak with the hood carelessly thrown over her little head. She looked up at him but her eyes were different. The warm hazel brown he’d come to know now only looked darker in the faint light.

“Choose,” she said, handing over his lightsaber.

He stared down at her hands. They looked pale, papery, as if she was fading. “What am I choosing?” He asked.

“There will be no middle ground,” she replied cryptically. “Choose.”

Kylo reluctantly took the lightsaber and pressed the button on its hilt. The red light built upwards, creating a glow against his face. It was blinding him enough that he didn’t notice Rey kneeling down in front of him now. Her hood was down and her head bent.

“Choose.” She says for the last time, a mere whisper above the harsh winds.

Then he realized what she was trying to make him do. This was the choice he would have to face some time soon.

 _Is this real?_ He wondered suddenly, remembering their bond. She could be really here and no one knows what happens when you die in dreams created by the Force.

“Rey—”

“Choose, Ben Solo.”

 _No. This isn’t real,_ he decided. He took note on how she sounded so distant, so unlike her. The fiery spirit she champions isn’t present in this façade, whatever it may be. Kylo gripped his lightsaber tighter and stabbed it hard till the snow melted away, Rey—real or not—unharmed.

“Then you’ve chosen?” The projection asks.

“Yes,” he says, breathless as he realized that it was true. “I have.”

She rises to her feet and stares down at his empty hands.

“So did I,” she announces before grabbing his mounted lightsaber off the ground and pushing it in his chest. “You were right,” she whispers in her ear as he begins to lose his strength. “Only one of us can be saved—because there’s only room for one Sith.”

As his vision darkens, Kylo Ren hears a loud cry.

He opens his eyes, still in panic after being killed, and sees Scavenger shrieking as Hux grabs its wing.

“What the hell is this and what is it doing inside the Finalizer, Ren?”

Feeling the anger built up inside him, from the dream or from Hux being in his quarters, he pulls the General by the neck and chokes him using his bare hand this time. Hux claws at him but to no avail.

“I am still your Supreme Leader,” he reminded him to which the man only did a notion resembling a nod. “Let go of Scavenger,” he commanded as menacing as he can.

Hux conformed immediately. As soon as the porg was out of harms way, waddling behind Kylo as it scrambled to its feet, he lets go of Hux and threw him outside of his quarters before securely locking the doors.

He plops back down again, Scavenger cradled in his neck, still bothered by his dream of Rey joining the Dark Side—and eliminating him in the process.

 _Choose_ , she had said.

How does he choose now?

 

 

 


	4. sign of the times

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yoda once said that to succumb to the Dark Side is human. To never be tempted is not.  
> Rey is about to give in to the Dark Side and the Resistance blames Kylo Ren. But Ben is just as afraid.  
> Light.  
> Dark.  
> There must be a balance.
> 
> Who really needs to be saved?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Just stop your crying, it'll be alright  
> They told me that the end is near.  
> We gotta get away from here...  
> Just stop your crying, live the time of our life,  
> Breaking through the atmosphere,  
> things are pretty good from here.  
> Remember everything will be alright.  
> We can meet again s o m e w h e r e  
> somewhere far away from here..."
> 
> -Sign of the Times, Sabrina Carpenter feat. Jasmine Thompson

There was a usual inspection of stormtroopers on the fifth cycle.

It was one of the mundane tasks that Kylo had taken up to keep his mind occupied. Even now, as Supreme Leader, it was a relief to have those few hours filled. He still hasn’t slept since that morning, too bothered by the dream to even close his eyes. After feeding Scavenger white meat from one of his supplies, he let it roam in its favourite space; his closet. If Kylo was going to be honest, it’s also his comfort zone at the moment.

“Supreme Leader,” Wanten greets him as he approaches.

“What is it?”

“We will be landing on Corellia in approximately two hours.”

He nodded, distracted. “Take over the inspection, commander.”

“As you wish, Supreme Leader,” Wanten replies as Kylo leaves.

 _Corellia_ , he thought as he stalked off to the upper hangar, trying to find someplace quiet. _I haven’t been there since I was five._

During one of Leia’s inescapable duties in the Republic, Han had taken young Ben Solo up on a little trip to his homeworld. Of course, there were a lot of side trips before reaching their destination, ones that involved hiding in the wire compartment and taking in large boxes of suspicious items. Looking back at it now, Kylo couldn’t help but shake his head disapprovingly at his late father.

The only good thing that came out of that trip was spending a little more time with him, and getting to know Grandma Solo.

He wondered now if she was still alive but he highly doubted it. It had been a long time since he was five, when his father was alive, and since he killed him…

 _Grandma Solo wouldn’t really want to see me even if she was still breathing_ , he thought. No. He _knew_.

 _You never know,_ a voice replies amidst the silence.

Suddenly, he wasn’t alone anymore.

The hangar was empty and quiet. There was barely any light. But he could see a glimpse of her, standing over a small body of water.

“Do you know where I am?” He asks her.

She shakes her head. _You’re where I am._

“You’re in Corellia?”

There was no more response. The connection was cut. He didn’t understand why that happened and no matter how hard he tried to reach out to her, there was nothing.

Kylo felt a cold hand grip his insides. It was fear. He was truly and completely alone. And isn’t this what he wanted? The silence he craved…

Instead of feeling relief wash over him, the ordeal of having to deal with his enemy inside his head now over, there was only disappointment, followed by confusion—and then worry. Using the intercom strapped around his wrist, he calls on Hux to make way for Corellia.

“We _are_ heading there, Supreme Leader,” Hux says, almost with an imaginable roll of the eyes.

“I want to be there _now_ , Hux. Do whatever you can. Jump to lightspeed if you have to.” And he shut it off, focusing all his energy to finding Rey amidst the darkness.

 

 

“Start from the beginning,” Poe says as he stands over her.

They have landed on Corellia hours earlier. The rest of the Resistance have deemed this to be extremely suicidal but the General couldn’t be challenged. She had to bring what was left of her husband’s possessions to his homeworld—and persuade the remaining supporters to fund their cause or else they would cease to exist. While Rey had been dreaming, the rebels had been on the move. Now she wonders if they had been suspecting her loyalty for a while now, given how Captain Dameron is looking at her—and how no one woke her up when they arrived.

“Are you certain you want to know, Captain?”

“If I’m dealing with the enemy here then yes,” he replies matter-of-factly.

Rey sighs, trying not to sound hurt. “It’s very complicated.”

“How complicated…?”

“It’s _Force_ -related complicated,” she says. “As users of the Force, we were bound. At first…” Rey couldn’t think about it now, the foolishness of it all. She was back in that room, with that beast of a person on a throne, staring down at her as if she was the stupidest human alive. “At first, it was Snoke who connected us. He _bridged_ our minds to sway Ben—”

“Do not ever use that name.”

Suddenly, there was General Organa, stepping from the cover of trees, her face stern and unreadable.

“My son is dead,” she claims. “The person you speak of is Kylo Ren, the new Supreme Leader of the First Order—”

“He’s still your son!” Rey insisted.

Leia only raised her hand, closing her eyes.

“My son would’ve never killed his father.”

That much was true. Even Rey couldn’t deny the monstrosity that led her to hate him in the first place. But after everything she found out, the way she saw how there was still some humanity left in him, she couldn’t ignore it.

Poe awkwardly looks back at Rey and probes on. “What happened after your…bridge thing?”

With as much pride as she can muster, she replies. “He chose to help me, to _save_ me.” Looking pointedly at the General, Rey adds. “He’s the one who killed Snoke—not me.”

“And then he claimed his position!” Leia snaps. “Don’t you see, Rey? Ben is _gone_. What’s left is an angry, lonely man who will break you. No, he will _kill_ you if he has to. You do know that, don’t you?”

“If you can’t have faith on your own son, who else will?” She demanded.

The General gave no response. Instead she stared down at her with furrowed brows, such disapproval reflected in her eyes.

“You can’t save him, Rey. Don’t think for one second that you can,” Poe tells her. “He’s a monster whose only goal is to destroy anything that stands in his way.”

“I know,” she replies quietly now. “But sometimes you need to take that risk.”

Using all of her strength, she looked at Poe then at Leia, begging silently that they forgive her for doing this. With calm and determination, she said the words that she hoped would compel them.

“You will forget this conversation completely and trust me.”

After seconds that seemed like forever, both of them replied in unison.

“We will forget this conversation completely and trust you.”

_What have I done?_

 

 

_Ben._

His new shuttle had just landed and he immediately felt her presence. She was back and he couldn’t be more relieved.

_What is it?_

_Ben_ , she says again but this time with a sob.

He was out of his shuttle faster than he could breathe.

_Where are you?_

From behind the trees, she stood. Her shoulders were shaking, fairly visible from where he was standing. His strides were long and he got to her quickly.

For a time, they just stood in front of each other as she cried. He didn’t want to touch her, afraid that she might pull away. But like that night in the hut, she looked at him in full confidence, ready to relay what she was feeling.

He sensed conflict inside her, something that she couldn’t understand. But it was the thing he understood most. It was the inevitable pull of the darker side of one’s self and Rey had no idea what to do with it.

Then like a dream, he also saw what she did.

There was shame and guilt. But there was also anger.

“Ben,” she murmured. “I don’t know what to do.”

One of the first things he told her back on Starkiller Base was that she needed a teacher. He could show her the ways of the Force now. But something was stopping him. What was it?

“Help me,” she suddenly uttered, making him catch his breath.

He realized then what it was, this thing in the back of his head that was keeping him from doing what he wanted to do the first time they met. To him, Rey was one of the brighter sides of life, the light to his darkness. Seeing her now, closer to the dark faster than he ever was, troubled him.

“There is much darkness in you as there is in me,” he noted, making her look up at him in defiance.

“That’s not true!”

“Then why is there anger, Rey? Why are you furious? What do you fear?” He asked calmly, knowing that she would deny it. They all did. It was the path that led to the Dark Side, rooted in fear, ended in suffering.

 _Isn’t this what I wanted—for her to join me?_ He asked himself. But the voice, the old one that told him that there must be a reason why he let her go that day in the Hosco system, answered him now.

 _Maybe it is, maybe not,_ it said. _You must choose for yourself._

“Ben,” she begged. “Help me.”

He knew then what he had to do and he’s never felt more human in years than he was now.

_If I didn’t save myself then, I won’t miss the chance now to save you._

Carefully, as if she was made of glass, he laid one hand on her cheek to wipe away a stray tear.

“You know what you have to do,” he said.

 _Choose_ , he remembered her say in his nightmare. He made her decision. Will she make the right one?

Closing her eyes, Rey put her hand on top of his. Then she turned away and ran back into the forest, leaving him without a second glance.

 

 

It was unknown to Rey that while her Jedi mind trick worked well on the Captain and the General, BB-8 had been in the corner to witness the entire scene.

The loyal droid, after much deliberation, reported to C3-PO and informed the remaining members of the Resistance. As they regrouped, they became more wary of the young scavenger and debated on whether or not she was under the influence of Kylo Ren—or if she had been a traitor since the beginning.

They had been unsuccessful to get information from neither Poe nor Leia, making Rey seem more dangerous than one would initially think. When she returned to camp, teary-eyed, seething and quiet, she noticed how aloof Chewbacca is of her presence, tipping her off to the rest of their team.

“What?” She demanded at the on looking 3PO.

“Oh, dear,” it replies before scurrying off.

Then moments later, Chewie growls and they grab her.

“Get off me!” Rey screamed. “What are you doing?”

“I’m sorry, Rey,” Finn replied. “But we have to know.”

“What?” She yelled as she struggled with their hold on her. “What, Finn? What did I do?”

“What’s your connection with Kylo Ren?”

“Nothing—”

“There is a high probability that she is lying,” C3-PO declares.

Rey casts him a dirty look but doesn’t say anything.

“Rey, please,” Finn begs. “Tell the truth.”

“He’s my enemy,” she spits out. “He killed Han Solo. He wants to kill me. I hate him! I _hate_ him!”

“I’m not convinced,” Leia says as she walks in front of the crowd, startling Rey.

“Then you give us no choice,” Finn decided, sighing. “The First Order is here. We can escape now—but not before defeating their Supreme Leader.”

 _How are you going to do that?_ Rey wanted to ask but she already knew. They want her to face him. They want her to prove herself.

“And if I’m not strong enough to beat him?” She asked, challenging. She trusted her abilities though and both she and Ben knew that they were equal with the Force. Rey just wanted to know what their plan really was if that doesn’t work.

“Then you sacrifice yourself for the cause,” Yana, a young speeder replies haughtily. “If you’re really for the Resistance, you would do this without a second thought, for _our_ survival.”

She was trapped and while she was agreeing to battle Ben, all she could think about was that night he first appeared to her after Crait.

_They would only use you, and eventually discard you—just like your parents._

Her heart sank with realization that he was right. They didn’t trust her. They didn’t see her as family. She didn’t spend years on the Resistance like the rest of them. She was just a scavenger who happened to meet BB-8, who knew how to use a lightsaber and the Force. She was still nothing, no one…

 _But not to me_ , he had said.

Was that true?

She had to find out.

 

 

“Sir,” one of captains Kylo can’t remember runs to him.

“A group of Resistance fighters have been spotted scouring the perimeter eight minutes ago. Their camp is on target now. What will be our plan of action?”

“Take me to them.”

 

 

Waiting in the shadows, Poe and BB-8 watched as stormtroopers approached with the infamous Kylo Ren trailing behind.

There was no more mask, just like on Crait, his black hair waving in the wind. Poe signalled the others to make Rey approach him as the troopers reach the clearing.

She steps out, her face still strained with tears. But her eyes were fierce. She knew what she heard when Ben touched her face. She felt remorse, sympathy inside of him. And yet there was no definitive decision to choose the light over the darkness. There was supposedly no more question about what she had to do. He told her that she knew and before returning to camp, she thought she did too.

But she was wrong.

Before the stormtroopers could see her, she aimed for Ben’s lightsaber and successfully retrieved it. Firing it up, she showed the Resistance what they wanted. It was a stand. The troopers fired without command, with Rey meeting every blast with the saber and with Kylo dismissing them quickly.

“Do you want to finish this?” He asks as he steps towards her.

 _Did you mean what you said?_ She asked instead. _Back in the Finalizer, when you killed Snoke…did you mean it?_

“Every word,” he replied, a look of confusion flickering in his eyes. “But what does that have to do with this?”

 _Everything_ , she said. _Maz Kanata told me—and I misunderstood. I thought she meant the Resistance…_

“What did she say?”

_The belonging I seek is not behind me but ahead. I know that now._

“Rey—”

_Just tell me where my place is in all of this, Ben. Please._

“Why are they talking?” Poe asks aloud as they all watched from a distance.

Leia shakes her head. “She’s being swayed.”

“Choose, Ben,” Rey says now, loud enough to echo across the forest. “Help me choose,” she whispers. “There will be no middle ground.”

 _Why was this happening?_ Ben didn’t know. But his nightmare had just become a reality right before his eyes. His fear led him to the only thing he could do. He used the Force to get inside her head, not just the inkling of a connection they shared but everything that she is.

The light was blinding and Ben never imagined there was so much of it in one person. If only he had found her sooner…

Rey tried to fight him off, feeling him overcoming her, by doing the same to him. There was so much darkness but there was also a dimmed light, a sliver of hope. The more she dives for it though, the more she drowns in his suffering, his pain and anguish, his conflict and anger. She goes through what he’s been through—the rejection, the loss, the betrayal, the disappointment, and the sorrow.

She couldn’t breathe. So she let go.

She let go of everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was a bit of a stretch, and I know there are things I've forgotten to put in from my original idea...but this is it! This is the beginning of Dark Rey. I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as you're enjoying your holidays. Leave a heart out or a comment if you wish to read more or if you have any issues about the story. I like to play as much Light Rey as there is and to make REYLO work under the circumstances without giving into the abusive take of their supposed relationship. I DON'T WANT TO GIVE ANYONE ANY IDEAS TO STAY IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP but I want to show more humanity in both of the characters. 
> 
> This is just fiction, people! No hate, just creative love! Spread it out x.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not a fan of damsels in distress but I hardly think this counts as one (?).  
> I like to look at the source of it being personal conflicts and issues (for both of them). Even though the movie(s) is portraying Rey to be wholly good, for the light, there were quick glances of her being swayed, right? Hence her visit to Kylo Ren in Ep. 8.  
> Anyways! That's this one exploring that, as I guess a lot of writers here are doing. I hope you enjoy it. I'm new to this org so if you have any comments, suggestions, leave them in the doobly-doo below!


End file.
